Monday 9 March 2015

Boxing

This one turned out to be quite long....

I got asked today "Why are you doing a boxing class?"... I started boxing last week. In case you didn't know. They weren't being funny with me, it was purely inquisitive. I had complained at my abs hurting when i coughed,  the product of nearly 100 press ups in the space of an hour, not that much... but plus running, planking, sit-ups, wall/squats etc. AND a morning session at the gym... I was in pain. And i was massaging a knot out of my left shoulder.... from a lot of jabs. I said i wanted to tone up and make use of my exercise time, to do something more competitive and productive with it, as i felt the gym wasn't appealing to me anymore. I also explained i used to do self defense classes with an ex partner who did MMA and knew most of the basics so it wasn't brand new to me and i fancied something new. I mentioned i might like to something more with it, maybe get competitive.
And the person said something along the lines of "But aren't you afraid you'll get hurt?" and i was genuinely confused for a minute. It got me thinking. Why am i boxing? Really? Completely? Am i afraid?
Yes, actually, i am. I'm scared of getting hurt. I won't pretend i'm not. That's the whole idea. If i participate in a full/semi contact, combat sport, i understand fully that i'm in a position to get knocked the fuck out.
But that's what will make me good at it. The fear i have of the physical pain, getting hurt in the body and also the fear of failure, losing, or being made to look weak, is exactly what will make me better. If i don't want to fail, i won't lose. Simple.
All i have to do it work harder than anyone else and be better. And seen as i'm the only woman (at 5'31/2 and 120lbs) in a group of around 20 men who average at around 6ft and 150-180lbs, i'm going to have to work hard.
But i realised, it's a strange sort of thing isn't it... This whole, going into a "fight" knowing you'll get hurt and wanting to inflict pain on someone else... I see technique and fitness and angles... I see point scoring and abilities and talent and skill. Then i suppose i see consenting adults who are taking precautions and actually, i thoroughly enjoy it. Always have. Loved watching wrestling as a kid and an adult. Loved MMA even more. I have a competitive nature, and though i'll never be a sore loser, or place bets on myself, i'll happily work hard enough to win a damn boxing match if i can. Just for me!
I'm pretty sure i can take care of myself in a fight, i HAVE in the past, and i'm also 90% sure i can defend myself from an attack, thanks to that same person who taught me the basic self defense stuff, it sticks with you....
Ultimately though, I feel healthier when i'm doing something physical. I was proud of my weight loss. I want to be proud of my physical skills too. I never excelled at dancing, i wasn't the best gymnast, i was on the second team for football and netball and i could barely keep up with my kids in the park for years. I've had a lot of issues with my image and my ability with my physicality since i reached adulthood and i'd like to take some pride in my appearance and make myself stronger. I want to increase my endurance and stamina, i'd love to win the mammy race at sports day again! And i'd like to feel proud of myself for accomplishing something more.
So that's why i'm going to a boxing class.